That will be tomorrow. The bluest Monday ever. After four months of nothing but diaper changing, breastfeeding, soothing a crying baby, planning hi teas and lunch dates with anyone who is able to meet me on a weekday afternoon, I now have to start getting used to answering email queries, meetings, discussions, and reviewing contracts again. I’m honestly worried that I might have forgotten all my legal concepts. In fact, I hope I still remember my passwords and how to work lotus notes.
I actually have mixed feelings about returning to work. On one hand, I think it’ll be nice to see and hang out with my colleagues and friends again, and enjoy my once in a while lunchtime pedicure/massage. I will have some me time, which I think will be good for me. I also enjoy the intellectual simulation I get from my work.
On the other hand, I feel quite sad that I wont be able to spend as much time with Aly and to be there to witness her “firsts” and her milestones. She has also been having serious bouts of separation anxiety. Just last night, she cried the whole of the four hours i was away for a wedding and would not drink milk or sleep. It’s almost as if she knows I’m returning to work soon! I only hope she does not break her own personal record tomorrow!
Of course there are also the logistics to worry about. I’m sure ys and I will have a lot to get used to since we will be dropping off Aly at my mum’s or in laws’ place every morning and picking her up in the evening. Many have advised us to leave the baby under the care of our parents and only fetch her home during weekend. It does sound very tempting especially since it means we get to sleep in for up to an hour more and spend some quality couple time together in the evenings. But we have both decided to opt for the more tiring option of bringing her home every night. I do think it’s important for Aly to know that this is her home and I am sure whatever little time we have with her at night and in the mornings is well worth our effort. After all, people who drop their kids off at infant care also work around a similar schedule and still get used to it. I choose not to take the easy way out just because our parents will gladly agree to let her stay overnight during the week. So good luck to us! It will be a period of a lot of adjustments but I’m sure we will manage somehow.
I am also worried about my milk supply. I’m hoping to breastfeed Aly until she is 6 months old and am hoping to keep up my supply even after returning to work. This means I will have to deal with the logistics of expressing at work ( and also means I have lots more to sterilize and pack in the mornings and lots of washing up to do at night). This is the main source of stress I think. But I am glad I have the support of ys and a very kind colleague who has offered me much needed advice on expressing at work.
The next few weeks will no doubt be challenging but im sure things will get better with time. Alright i’m off to pack my bag and get ready my outfit for tomorrow!
Be good Aly! Mummy loves you 🙂